


012 "surprise party"

by wheel_pen



Series: Iron Man AU [12]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fish out of Water, My Pepper is different, Pre-Iron Man, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheel_pen/pseuds/wheel_pen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obadiah, with Pepper's help, is planning a surprise birthday party for Tony—but Pepper, not understanding this concept, spills the beans to Tony. He's delighted to pitch in with ideas, such as going to Vegas—and trying to get Pepper to jump out of a cake in a bikini. "I nodded at her logic, which was, as always, impenetrable."</p>
            </blockquote>





	012 "surprise party"

**Author's Note:**

> 1) My Pepper is very different from canon Pepper. Her personality/origin is very different; to separate her from canon Pepper I've given her a new last name and a different hair color.
> 
> 2) The bad words are censored. That's just how I do things.
> 
> 3) Stories are numbered in the order I wrote them, which isn't necessarily the order in which they occur. At some point I'll post a timeline.
> 
> I wrote this series after the first Iron Man movie came out. It's very AU but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. I own nothing and appreciate the chance to play with these characters.

            "One more thing, sir," Pepper added one day.

            I sighed, worn out by the list of meetings and memos. This 'work,' as they called it, was rather difficult. I mean, I'd been at it for a whole two hours already. "Yes, Pepper?"

            "Do you have a preference for where your surprise birthday party should be held, sir?" she asked, business-like.

            I blinked. Then I felt myself perking up a bit and indicated my lovely and delightful assistant should sit so we could discuss this thoroughly. "You don't really understand the concept of a 'surprise' birthday party, do you, Pepper?" I ventured calmly.

            "No, sir," she agreed with a frown. "One's birthday is always the same day each year. So it could hardly come as a surprise, unless I suppose one had completely forgotten about it."

            I nodded at her logic, which was, as always, impenetrable. Pepper was extremely intelligent, hard-working, dedicated, organized, and loyal. But sometimes her mind just didn't work like a normal person's, and, in my delicate and sensitive way, I liked trying to figure out why. "Pepper, were you raised by a cult?"

            She took my question in stride. "No, sir. But you said I had the legs of one."

            " _Colt_ , Pepper," I corrected, after searching my memory for a moment. "One's a horse and the other's… Never mind." She nodded amiably. "You don't get words—important words—mixed up in the memos you send out in my name, do you, Pepper?" I asked with a frown.

            "I've not had any complaints, sir," she assured me.

            I decided to move on. "So, someone's planning a birthday party for me, huh?" This was enlivening news. There was a certain milestone coming up that many people viewed with trepidation, and a blow-out bash sounded like the perfect way to take the edge off it.

            "Yes, sir," Pepper confirmed. "Mr. Stane asked me to assist him."

            Ah, good old Obadiah (yes, for many years I actually thought this). He should never have entrusted Pepper with this mission. But then again he didn't know her as well as I did. Still, if _he_ was involved, the party was sure to be sufficiently diverting, as well as several other 'd' words like 'drunken,' 'debauched,' and 'disgraceful.'

            I gave the details some thought. "Well, I'd like to go to Vegas," I decided. "One of the big casinos—make sure they're friendly, that they won't mind if I puke on everything, destroy the furniture, and have sex with multiple women in the hallway." Unfazed, Pepper took notes. "You know what I'd really like, Pepper?" I added, a grin forming. "I'd like a really big cake. Like, five feet high. And, actually, what I'd like is for someone to jump _out_ of the cake. Bet you've never heard of that, huh?" I surmised from her expression. "This is something we do out West. A friend of the birthday celebrant—oh, say, like _you_ , Pepper—hides inside this fake, hollow cake wearing a bikini, and then at the signal, they jump out and yell 'Surprise!'"

            The expression on her face was classic. Well, it _did_ sound kind of weird, when you thought about it. "Sir?"

            "You could jump out of a cake for me, couldn't you, Pepper?" I pressed. "In a bikini? For my birthday?"

            There was a brief, shining moment when I thought she might say yes. Then she shook her head. "I haven't really known you very long, sir," she pointed out. "Surely this task would be more appropriate for Major Rhodes or Mr. Stane."

            I choked a little and struggled to regain my composure after briefly picturing Rhodey or Obadiah jumping out of a cake. In a bikini. "That's a good point, Pepper," I finally told her. "Why don't you ask them about it?" She made a note. "But if they aren't interested in doing it," I continued, "I'm sure you can find a professional for it. An attractive female. Human," I added after a long moment. Because while the idea of an attractive female pig—in a bikini—smashing her way out of a cake was amusing, I'd already had that at my twenty-first birthday party. Been there, done that.

            "Oh," said Pepper, with a dawn of understanding, making another note. "Right, sir."

            "Just be sure to run all the arrangements by Obadiah first, okay?" I cautioned her, feeling there were many ways this could all go horribly wrong in Pepper's hands. "And don't tell him you talked to me about it."

            "Yes, sir."

* * *


End file.
